sur·vi·vor/sərˈvīvər/noun
- a person who survives, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died.
This is me now. This is kind of hard to come to terms with especially when I have friends and acquaintances who are still battling or have recently lost their battle. It is certainly a celebrated status, but can also be a heavy reality. I had the privilege last week to “model” in the Providence Style Show which this year benefited the Providence Breast Health Center. I’ve definitely spent some time in this center over the last almost two years now and I am so thankful for the staff and volunteers! So, when asked if I would model this year, I couldn’t resist given my own recent journey. I have modeled in the style show a few times over the years. Even Taylor has rocked the runway (pictures to prove it on my social media accounts… and I’ll post one here if I can put my hands on it -Sorry for the grainy quality!)
It is a little uncanny to see that these style shows are two years apart. What perfect timing. Little did I know while modeling in the 2017 style show with Taylor, that I would be diagnosed with breast cancer a few months later. Wow, how a lot can change and rock your world in a short period of time!
Taylor was invited to bring his model-good-looks back to the runway this year, but opted to pour champagne instead. I know you are all shocked!
In all honesty, at the conclusion of a prior style show, I had decided that I would politely decline if invited again to model in the future. Not because of a bad experience – no, I didn’t bust it on the runway or anything! My outfits were all fine – some I loved, some were okay. I don’t get stage fright. I always enjoy networking, meeting new people, supporting Providence Foundation and doing something different. It was just one of those “yes” commitments that seemed like a good idea at the time – not requiring too much prep (if you don’t count the diet that should have started about 6 weeks earlier- LOL). But as it approached, it always seemed to be less than ideal timing with life’s events, work, kid schedules, wishing I had started that diet regimen, missed workouts, last minute “to dos” and all the things. This year was no exception, except that I didn’t over think it. I didn’t stress over scheduling the fittings. In fact, I had waited until the last minute to get in for my formal fitting with Lacy at G2 by Georgios. I can’t say enough great things about Lacy (we have a whole other story about the formal I’m wearing above in the 2017 show – but I won’t go into that one now except to say that Taylor almost had to walk that last scene alone). Lacy informed me that she had only ONE item for me to try on this year and she knew it would be perfect – I’d be in and out in 10 minutes. I had my doubts when I found out it was a pantsuit. Don’t get me wrong, I love pantsuits, but they usually have a 50/50 chance of either being fabulous or disastrous. But obviously, she is that good and she nailed it. I couldn’t have planned this outfit better if I had tried.
THE Pantsuit (with my very own paparazzi, aka my sister, Rebekah)
Another thing I didn’t do – I didn’t play the “if I had just squeezed one more good workout in, I’d feel better in my outfits”. Nope, I owned the “it is what it is” outlook without a second thought. Overall, without even really thinking about it, I had decided it was about the mission. It was about celebrating this two year journey. My perception is forever shifted. My motivation to say “yes” this time around carried more significance and with it – freedom.
Survivor Walk
2019 Providence Style Show
Providence added one last runway walk for all cancer survivors this year which of course, made it all the more special. Walking this year for me was a walk in victory and joy. That last walk was a very emotional one for many – including my sister who gets credit for being my own little paparazzi (I sure couldn’t ask for any better). However, I didn’t shed a tear. Although, I’m not really over-emotional, I have definitely had my moments in this journey and still do. But during this walk, my overwhelming emotion was joy and gratitude for life and victory over some hard circumstances.
Someone had commented the night before during our rehearsal, “who ISN’T a survivor”? It was a general reference to the fact that we all have survived various life challenges. Now she was quick to recover in fear of offending one of us cancer survivors. In my opinion, there was no offense to be taken. I can certainly agree with her. The song “I Will Survive” begins to play in my head when I think of these circumstances. And in the eloquent words of Taylor, actually this phrase won him his own tag, compliments of my cousin – #TaylorsRedundancyWisdom – “The hardest thing you’ve ever been through is the hardest thing you’re going through.” When you think about it, it is so true. Your endurance and capacity gets challenged and you find out you really have more of both than you think you do! And of course, when your capacity is directly linked to God’s capacity, there will be no stopping you!
This journey stretched me, shook me to my core, tested my faith and I am forever changed by God’s faithfulness to meet me every step of the way. I am a survivor. However, I am truly thriving because of God’s work in me. Survive and Thrive – All Day, Every Day!